2021.10.26 00:25 SantiagoPepenador You know, what do you think I’m like?
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2021.10.26 00:25 wxtchblades [PS4] H: AA/E/+1A Fixer W: Offers
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2021.10.26 00:25 ProudPolishPolak Imma go along with the trend, what are your thoughts about me?
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2021.10.26 00:25 Fun_Situation_8562 I Keep Trying to Be Better, But I'm Too Good at What I Do
So, small history I guess. I'm a 31 year old male addict in Recovery with a capital "R". I'm not a huge fan of the steps, and prefer SMART Recovery, but regardless- no matter what route one takes, each addict has to deal with their character flaws and defects.
When I say I was an addict, I mean to the big boy drugs. Fentanyl, Morphine, Diamorphine (aka Heroin), and pretty much any opioid or opiate. Along with barbiturates of days gone past and just about everything else. But it was those damn opioids that really fucked me up as a person.
As most know, you get violently ill if you're physically dependant and don't have your next dose right when you need it. Throw in the physical withdrawal with the emotional aspects of completely wrecked unholy trifecta of anxiety, insomnia, and depression and it seriously compounds the issue. I went from being a stoner to a serious addict in less than six months during an extended hospital stay.
I promise the point is coming right up. All of that horrific withdrawal? It can be so treacherous that it has been known to inflict PTSD into addicts without any prior psychiatric problems. I don't feel like digging for a source, but if you search a little it won't be hard to find the validity of that easily backed up (especially since I'm not quoting a particular number).
So when someone realizes exactly what they have in front of them, it can get bad. I probably would have punched my own grandmother in the throat just to steal her purse in the thick of a withdrawal. I very quickly became very good at lying and manipulation. My stories as to why I needed money or just couldn't come to whatever prior engagement were, sadly, top notch. I learned to make sure that all the "I"s were dotted and the "T"s crossed. It was an evolution of some type, but not in any positive sense and in a very fast pace. And of course it was based out of necessity; as my friends and family quickly adapted to my current vintage, I had to keep up-ing my game.
So here we are with exactly how, what is probably safe to assume, each and every addict became as manipulative as we are. I still struggle with it.
Not because I enjoy puppeteering people, but because it's just easier to do it that way as opposed to the correct way that takes five times as long to end up at the same damn spot. It's something I have to make a conscious effort towards, but I always keep coming back to how much quicker we could get at the destination if I just tweaked some facts here and there. And it does, most certainly, make me irritable as fuck. Mainly because as an addict, I want what I want when I want it and I refuse to wait another thirty seconds.
I'm going to just completely skip over the fact that I'm pretty sure every addict I've met, myself included, seem to believe that they are So Much Better At This than all the rest. The only thing I'll say to that is I full heartedly believe that to be true. Honestly though, the fact that I do have an IQ in the higher ranges does set me up for that pitfall to be a little deeper than it should be.
With that, I think I've come full circle to where I started this post at: I Keep Trying To Change, But I'm Just To Good At What I Do. And I have to constantly remind myself to step out of myself, just a little, and try to be a little more humble towards the situation. But. It. Is. So. Fucking. Difficult.
I am pretty sure a lot of other (ex) addicts deal with this sort of cross roads, but holy hell if it isn't difficult.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
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2021.10.26 00:25 MetanoiaBender What’s one moment you wish you could visit Scrooge-style in the past, present or future?
2021.10.26 00:25 poorpathology Oh, another saga. I can’t wait to see what’s going on! *gets popcorn*
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2021.10.26 00:25 debullum What is a career/occupation that the world needs?
2021.10.26 00:25 AwesomePurplePants This feels like it could be a supportive polycule
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2021.10.26 00:25 givemeacent Just finished RE7; heart still beating fast, my first RE game.
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2021.10.26 00:25 Kitchen_Layer9191 My cat ate what I think to be is a pill and threw it back up. I have no idea when she ingested and have no idea where she got it from) do not recall having pills like this at home, perhaps it was from long ago). Will she be okay? Should I call a vet? I am not even sure what kind of pill it is!
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2021.10.26 00:25 Sillvaro Viking age hike and camping
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2021.10.26 00:25 complicatedbiscuit “It’s a wonderful place...a playland.” The Hong Kongers fleeing to Blackpool
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2021.10.26 00:25 Akritsun Want to get rich while having exclusive access to ico's?
2021.10.26 00:25 PhotographDramatic41 Belly button ring
Is my belly button ring infected or just irritated? I don’t have the symptoms of an infected one it’s just very red between my piercing
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2021.10.26 00:25 iSplitInkSquidBoi Fellswap take
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2021.10.26 00:25 lechepicante Sachika
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2021.10.26 00:25 Stuff_and_things555 ISO 1 Santa Barbara ticket for tomorrow.
2021.10.26 00:25 qualityonlinemedia Would Jesus Join BLM?
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2021.10.26 00:25 Babsee Lily loves the views. #blackbalsam #hiking #wnc #mountains
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2021.10.26 00:25 Kindly-Stop2558 Halloween 🎃 update
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2021.10.26 00:25 baythehuman My friend just pulled a $100k card from 2003… any guesses who it is?
2021.10.26 00:25 illtoastya Grape Mac [Turbo] Reg
2021.10.26 00:25 timbo415 👌🏽(Sharon Heights CC, Menlo Park, CA)
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2021.10.26 00:25 Ok_Development_8294 Cardano price prediction 26 oct 2021,Crypto shakeel,cardano ada today latest news & forecast update
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2021.10.26 00:25 dwelch891 Cavs get up to 2-2 against a game Jokic, winning 99-87.
A quick preface: I’m a Cavs fan, so that colors my perspective a bit.
With that out of the way, here are my takeaways: